Bed Linens

New bed linens! What do you think? I don't know what look I was going for. I have bed linen ADD. Clearly.

Hello Innocence

Lately, I've been suffering from a complete lack of will to write. This can be sufficiently illustrated by the fact that I have not made a single post for the last 2 weeks. The reason for this albeit a pretty bad one is that I keep getting started on a post and then get sidetracked by YouTube videos, Facebook photos, a large jar of peanut butter, a certain TV show called Community and other fairly effective modes of procrastination.

But although I have not been writing lately, there are always things in my life that warrant some blog-worthy typeage. Lately, I've been discovering and uncovering some of life's little pleasures that I have been taken for granted too long. And so to break this spell of the uninspired-inspired blogging hiatus, I have complied these little gems for you to satisfy your recent lack of having some quality blog reading material. And you know the drill folks. Everything has a list in Karen's world. Especially things like:

-Waking up on Saturday morning and realising a second later you don't need to wake up.

-Reaching your bus stop just in time to see the infamous 77 pull into the bus loop.

-Looking up at the clock at work (or class) after a particularly long and trying day and finding out that you only have 7 minutes more to go.

-Finding a tooney in your fall jacket from that time you went to a club last fall and couldn't find change for coat check.

-Eating peanut butter with a large spoon. And then drinking a hot cup of tea that not only makes you feel like a million bucks but also melts all the peanut butter stuck in your teeth.

-Doing a crossword where you get all the right answers over a cafe mocha and a slice of cherry cheese cake.

-Laughing hard with friends over a free McDonalds coffee at 2am.

-Going on a retreat, spending time with good friends (God's a friend too) and really knowing for the first time in your life that without a doubt, there is a God.

-Surprising someone with their favorite candy

-Falling into a pile of warm, freshly washed, Downy smelling laundry.

-Finding a Christmas card from your high school best friend buried and forgotten in a show box

-Finding the perfect pair of jeans on sale

-Twenty-second hugs

-Going to a concert that unexpectedly blows all your expectations out of the water and leaves you on a high for weeks.

-Seveteen degrees in Toronto. Weather so nice, you feel like you could single handedly change the world and move a mountain at the same time.

- Strutting down Yonge Street to the song "All over it" by Jamie Cullum and realising that you could care less about how idiotic you look.

-Taking a hot shower and then slipping into cold sheets.

-The first bite of freshly baked garlic bread.

-Wearing a skirt for the first time after a long cold winter.

-Ironing socks and then slipping your feet into them on a cold winter's day.

-Getting indoors to a warm room after walking for 20 minutes in the freezing cold.

-Sharing inside jokes with old friends from years ago and finding it funnier now then you ever did back then.

-Microwaving two-bite brownies to almost a melting point and then eating them with cold vanilla icecream.

-Finding that warm spot in your bed after having to wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night

-The smell of barbeque smoke on your clothes and hair

-The moment of recollecting a thought that has been annoyingly dancing at the tip of your tongue but refuses to come out.

-The gift of your five senses.

-Telling a joke with a well-delievered punchline.

-Discovering little unknown hideouts in downtown Toronto.

-Finding your keys when you're in a hurry.

-Smiling back at a cute stranger on the subway.

-That moment when you are finally able to really appreciate all of the little things.

And with that I will now leave you with two things: One is a challenge to make your own list of things that make your day slightly more bearable...dare I say enjoyable. And the other is to find a song that makes you strut down the street like a fool without a care of what a fool you look like to normal people.

I will let you borrow mine until you find your own.

Just so you know, its a whole more fun if you can pretend like you're being followed by that whole orchestra of backup singers and violinists while strutting.

Also, if you know what's good for you, you will watch this video from begining to end.

Karen vs. the Universe

It's been a while since my everyday fly ride, the ghettofabulous YRT 77 has entertained me (and the rest of the world) with life's delightful epiphanies. Today was when one of those hit me in the eye...and in my seat. My thesis in question: Against all protest, Karen is finally a certified freak magnet.
Before all you ladies (and some gentlemen) roll your eyes at me with that "Welcome to the club, sweetie" look on your face, allow me to explain how I'm different from the rest of all y'all freak magnets out there.

You see, most pretty girls have an overattractive magnetic pole. This results in attracting the cream of society's imbiciles and nimrods. I on the other hand, one-up that by having an over-repellent pole that repels the cutes and an over-attractive pole that attracts the brutes. God was generous with me when he was dishing out the poles.

My case in point: The Seat Dilemma of the 77

My daily 6:55am bus has a pretty air tight seating arrangement. I sit in the second last row on the right. Other useless characters in this story include 200lbs construction man and his 95lbs construction friend. Mr. 400lbs Jellyfish man is another worthy mention and of course about 25 four-foot tall Philipino ladies who dominate the front of the bus.

This story however, will revolve around 3 characters. Cutie McCute, Raj McRat and yours truly.

Cutie McCute: Cutie gets on the bus about 10 stops from me. I think he's currently dating a medium-sized Timmy's cup and a freebee Metro newspaper. Against my wishes, McCutes NEVER gets a seat next to me.

Raj McRat: McRat is the 3-time winner of the "World's Most Annoying person in the World" award and he believes that since him and I both ride the 77, we are instant BFFs. This severly skewed notion has resulted in my new BFF following me around while I get coffee, questioning my method of payment for my coffee and cornering me into my seat. This year, he's trying to take his accolades to the next level by aiming for the Guiness Book for the "most annoying person". Also, his name isn't Raj. I couldn't care less what it is.

So here's what happens:

I had long since given up on trying to negotiate with the universe so as to have McCutes sitting next to me instead of The Rat. I even tried to cut a deal where I would never sit with Cutiepie if that meant I would never sit with Ratty Rat. Nobody up there was listening.

Today, I decided I had enough of the Rat ruining probably the only good thing about my morning. So I sat down in my seat, plopped my huge clunker handbag on the seat next to me and vowed to be Super Bitch if that FOOL came sniffing around. Rat came by and stopped for 3 seconds by my seat waiting for me to take my bag off the seat. I pretended to be very interested in my bus pass. And then the most amazing thing happened. He walked away! It was just that easy! Why had I not tried this before?

I was basking in the relish of a ratless morning when I realised I have an empty seat next to me. The bus was deliciously close to Cutie's stop and I had an empty seat. My brain made up a happy song in my head about empty seats and baby faced Tim Hortons coffee drinkers and rainbows and blue bells and no rats in sight. The bus stops and Cutie gets in. He spots the empty seat and makes his way towards the gold. I hold my breath.

Author's Note: This is the exciting life I lead. Working girl in her early twenties having her day made by the mere thought at not having to deal with boneheads.

Still holding my breath. So close.

And then it happens. The universe poops on my parade.

That stupid nincompoop FOOL (Raj) comes out of nowhere, almost bumps into cutiepie, PICKS UP MY BAG from the seat, flings it on my lap, and sits himself down in the seat that had Cutie's name all over it.

"Hi! How you are doing today??", he grins. Yes, how you are doing. Not, how are you doing.

I am in shock and disbelief as I helplessly watch cutiepie do a 180 and stand in the middle of the bus waiting for a seat.

The only response I give Rat is a scowl. Why is it that I can never catch a break!?

Moral of the Story:

Karen is a freak magnet of colossal proportions and the universe is just a big fat cockblocker. Universe= 1, Karen= -5.

Fail.

THE END.