77 Politics

Obey the rules of the road or else...

It has been 8 months now since I have been taking the York Regional Transit #77. Although, the YRT service is nothing great to write home about, I have to say this giant beast of metallic junk is the only means of connecting me to my source of income. I will not bore you to a temporary comatose, but I've had my fair share of drama including been pushed around, snarled at (yes, snarled), my stuff picked up and thrown on me and having drivers heartlessly drive away while I helplessly watch from across the street waiting for the pedestrian crossing.

Although 8 months of daily commuting hardly earns me any street cred points, I have made some curious observations and tricks to dealing with the joyness that is taking the bus.

1) It can be safetly assumed that in Toronto and the GTA, no one has the desire to sit next to you or talk to you or anyone else on a mode of public transit. There are a wide array of activities that the average Torontonian would rather do than sit beside you, much less speak to you. Some examples of these activities include plugging their ears into their iPods, picking their nose, testing every single one of their cellphone ringtones, and staring aimlessly outside the window. Some exceptions to this rule are if you're exceptionally good looking, or if they're a Jehovah's Witness.

2) In the unfortunate event that you are sitting next to someone who has bad breath, is crazy or a nasty combination of both, you may do any of the above listed activities of the unfriendly Torontonian commuter. If you're not into that you may use some common phrases that are useful such as: "No, I don't want to tell you where I live. Would you like a mint instead?" or "No, I'm not interested in reading the Book of Mormon. Would you like a mint instead?". My personal favorite is to just pretend you're dead.

3) In the event of a rare treat that a hot guy gets on the bus, please close your mouth and try to be discreet with the stare. Remember that creepy old geezer with bad breath who tried to ask you where you live and then tried to convert you to a Jehovah's Witness and wouldn't take dead for an answer? You're not him, but oogling is the first step towards it.

4) Please offer your seat to an eldery man or woman. I understand that many people are jaded, 'hurt-before-by-bus-politics' commuters but good manners always go a long way. So does good karma.

5) The best way to have two seats to yourself (one for you and one for your purse/ego) is to sit on the aisle seat with your purse/ego dropped on the window seat. This is a concept that thrives on the fake politeness/ pushover-ness(I know that's not a word) of Torontonians. Most people would rather stand than ask you to move your shit so they can have a seat. Every so often though, you will have the non-pushover commuter who will sit on YOU if he can't find an empty seat. True story.

6) Don't have lengthy coversations with the driver about spending your weekend buying clothes for your dog. This will cause him to miss stops and piss the toffees off of a bus load of cranky people. True story again.

7) If you got delayed at Starbucks because the lunatic in front of you decided to pay for her coffee in pennies, it's not a good idea to run like a cat on hot bricks with scalding coffee to catch your bus. This will cause your clothes to consume more coffee than you do, you will reek of coffee and you will look like an idiot. Accept defeat with dignity and an intact coffee cup.

8) It is perfectly okay to smile and make small talk with your everyday fellow commuters. In fact, make an effort to do so. However, one can draw the line when the over-friendly bus idiot moves your stuff around and cockblocks you from the bus cutie.

9) Find things that will make your long morning commutes enjoyable. Personally, I like to read, listen to music, talk to God, do the crossword and twidle my thumbs. In really hectic times, if you really can't find anything to keep you occupied, stare at a picture of Jake Gyllenhal.

10) Try to thank your driver after you have arrived at your destination. Unless you've been in a terrible accident, in which case, thank God you're not in the hospital busy being a vegetable.

And that folks is my 2 cents on the public transit. You may pay an additional $2.98 to experience it for yourself.

Would you like some fries with that slush?

Disclaimer: I want to let you know that this post is going to sound very weird to you. In fact, its not weird. Its downright crazy and pretentious but try and have an open mind. And if you can't then, I'll understand.

Toronto woke up this morning to the coming of the winter dragon. If you had the commute from hell this morning because of the terrible storm then I'm going to come clean and say I'm partly to blame for it. Let me explain why I'm taking responsibilty for today's crazy weather.

You see lately, I've been having a little trouble buying into this whole Jesus loves you sooooo much theory. I used to see it as a fact but for reasons I'm not ready to share, the Truth has been reduced to theory. I find myself choosing to be void of compassion, joy, love, patience, kindness and gentleness. I've basically been choosing to be a bitch and then been blaming that decision on God.

So today I think God decided that He finally had it with me. No more Mr. Nice Guy. It was time to bring out the big guns. My natural reaction was to think my stormy grief today was to punish me. But it wasn't. It was the exact opposite.

The 77 was 55 minutes late. This meant that there were two bus loads of people impatiently waiting for this one bus. I clutched my coffee in my hand, closed my eyes as tight as I could and prayed fervently for even a tiny shread of compassion for my fellow commuters. I pushed against the back door of the bus. This meant I now had a first hand view of what it was really like outside everytime the door opened. And it hit me the first time the door opened. To say the storm was fierce would be doing a grave injustice to God. It was unbelievable.

There was a tiny little Filipino woman waiting at the next stop. The bus stopped at the lights, while she patiently waited for the driver to let her in. He never did. The bus was too full. She knocked at the door pleading with him to open it but just got an apologetic look back.

At every bus stop, I saw rows of people beaten down by the snow, waiting for their salvation on wheels. But the bus just passed them by. I dont know what came over me but I began to cry for them. I prayed for them more intensely then I ever prayed for anything else in my life. I knew I had finally felt it. I felt compassion to a degree that I didnt think I was capable of feeling.

It took me three hours to get to work today. The snow was still coming down crazy when I got off the bus. I still had a 30 minute walk ahead of me before I would get to work. It was the walk of death. The sidewalks snowy and slushy. My toes had turned into 10 little frozen popsicles in my wet boots, my fingers were numb, I was drenched from head to toe thanks to a massive truck splashing all the sidewalk slush in my hair and face. But as I walked, something in me completly relaxed and I felt this undescribable joy. The harder the snow came down, the more joy I felt. I've been to tons of retreats, healing masses, spiritual direction sessions and nothing compared to the sheer joy I felt at that moment. Just pure joy for absolutley no reason in the face of a ridiculous massive snow storm. Because at that moment, I knew why I had to go through this.

You see the truth is, God doesnt care about your faults. He could care less whether you have the patience of a saint or the stubborness of a mule. He will do whatever it takes to shows you He loves you fiercely. Some of us fiercely feel His love when they see a daisy, while the rest of us need a light show...like a terribly fierce storm.

Everytime I bitched about how cold it was, or about how I had slush in my mouth because of that stupid truck, all I could hear in my head was:

"What?! Karen, are you serious?? Today you are that one sheep I'm looking for while I leave the rest of the 99 in the storm waiting for the bus and you're STILL not convinced that I love you? Not even a little?". Another gigantic splash of slush flies in my face from a passing car. I had to laugh. God and I didn't exactly share the same sense of humor.

And so folks, if you've had a hard time this morning because of this crazy storm, I apologise. You might say, well Karen its not your fault. Umm...I think it kinda is. If you've had a hard time feeling love from above, your package and a bunch of daisies are in the mail . Just have a vase, a warm winter coat and brace yourself. And if its any consolation, I'm still trying to get the sidewalk slush taste out of my mouth.

The next sunny day is on me, I promise.